Big person, living in a small person world…

I watched an episode of Ruby a couple months ago on this.  In the episode she flew to see a friend of hers and it was talking about her being “a big person in a small person world”, on the plane no one could sit beside her because she took up part of the next seat and it would be too uncomfortable for the both of them.

But anyways, I thought of this episode on monday, as I experienced something similiar.  My job moved locations and I knew the cubicles would be small, but i didnt realize just HOW small.  My old office, the cubicle was massively HUGE…we were spoiled hehe. So i figured small would be normal… ya, not so much.

I came into work and was like holy small! My chair took up the whole office practically.  I lost it, I mean I lost 61lbs since February, but coming into my office and seeing that my chair took up the whole space.. i burst into tears.  I mean to get in and out of the office, i had to back the chair up and SQUEEZE in.. I know everyone must have been like why is she so upset? We are only keying and don’t need much space… but they don’t live in MY world! They don’t know what it’s like to be me, experiencing crap like this day to day… going to the movies and barely fitting into the seat(probably why i rarely go), anyways seeing my tiny little office, i felt like i gained 100lbs on the spot.. it was horrible. 🙁

They ended up taking a panel of my cubicle off so I would feel more comfortable and not feel so enclosed in my office.  I mean my office is so small, during break yesterday, I had my chair pressed right up against my desk and my feet stuck OUTSIDE my office! Apparently it is the standard size… but for who? someone who is 110lbs?!

Just bugs me, I should be feeling great that I lost 61.6lbs since February 27th, but i wasn’t thinking that at all.. what i WAS thinking of was.. so what? i am so massively huge i can’t fit into my office, what a loser i am etc etc etc… i was in tears all day which in turn ended up makin me sick I guess, cause I now have a cold. 🙁

Anyways, I should feel proud that I lost 61.6lbs.. and i mean i do.. but just this week i felt like crap(well more that day than the week). I mean i lost 1.8lbs this week, that is a GOOD thing! Just gotta keep telling myself that ha!

Anyways, sorry the post ended up not being a happy happy joy joy post, but the truth is, this journey won’t be all roses… i wish it would be, would be so much easier haha. But I am sure a lot of people out there will be able to relate to this entry themselves.  Keep your chin up, keep on truckin’ and know you CAN do it!! We all can. 🙂

Thanks for reading,

Megan

ps here is a picture from halloween 🙂

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Recent Comments

  • http://Kristen

    November 5, 2009 at 3:41 am

    Sorry girly that mustve been awful and they are making the world smaller as we all are getting bigger doesnt make much sense just true…You have an awesome attitude and your an awesome girl and you are doing it. Dont let stuff like that get ya down…make them take down all them walls…if thats what it takes they shouldnt just assume everyone is 110 pounds. Love ya chicky…

  • November 5, 2009 at 8:30 am

    You should feel so proud Megan! You have done amazingly and on your own! Now for the reality… You know I have been large most of my life but now as I am 149 pounds lighter ice come to realize that some people are still asses; I still feel like a big person in a small world most of the time; and EVERYthing is still really small. You have to find your own success and constantly remind yourself of it! Losing weight will not entirly change the world. Only your part of it! You will always get pissed off at the oversights of the world of the tiny and should make changes if and where you can but I wanted to be honest about my experiences! You are doing wonderful and have people that are aware and so proud! Keep it up and blaze your path right through their tiny world and be happy with yourself along the way!
    I hope this doesn’t all sound bad because its not meant to be its meant to spark your fire again
    Love ya becca!

  • http://Georgina

    November 5, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    I sympathize with you and am so proud of you for not completely losing it and in the process giving up on your weight lose journey. I know that an experience like that could be very traumatic to some people if not all people (like you said about feeling like you gained 100lbs instead of loosing it) another person may have just given up at that point, thinking what is the point. But not my Meg, she is too strong and determined :). With all the ups and downs you have gone through you still keep your head up and keep going. This is how you have inspired me, not only to loose the few extra lbs I have left to loose, but in other very important aspects of my life as well.

    I do understand where you are coming from though. When I was larger I also had a hard time fitting in the seats at the movie theater, and as much as I loved going I stopped, because it was too uncomfortable and my sides would be in pain when I left because I was squished in for so long (they should really make those seats larger, then even the thin people would be more comfortable) stupid capitalists always trying to jam us in so they can make an extra buck, not giving any consideration to people emotion or physical well being.

    But something to keep in mind is that it isn’t only you or only overweight people. I am sure everyone will agree with me on this one (big or small). What is up with this stupid ONE SIZE FITS ALL! It isn’t true! Now that I am thinner and can actually shop in the non 14+ stores, I figured that when they mark ONE SIZE FITS ALL that included me…ummmm NO. ONE SIZE FITS ALL mean that if you fit into the status cwo of how a body should be shaped to them it will fit. Everyone has a different body type though. Like sure maybe pantyhose will fit me great till they get to my stomack then it is too tight, or a shirt may fit great except around the bust line. and it isn’t just because i am not slim enough yet. What about people who are really really thin, it’s gonna hang off of them like a garbage bag or something. Like for god sakes get it right and just say it fits all people between these sizes! I don’t know how many times I have seen elderly women who are really tiny wearing ONE SIZE FITS ALL pantyhose and it looks their legs have a second lair of skin that is sagging and ready to fall off.

    The world really needs to start changing. Society makes everything fast pace including food. Even if you don’t eat out it is hard to eat healthy at home because the foods in the stores are filled with sugars, salt and fat. So the nation of people grows larger, yet they keep everything else the same. I could go on and on about this topic and how aggravating it is but I think we all know this by now, and if you don’t then your not living in a small world or a big world your just living in your own little world like the corporations are!

    In short (well I guess not so short LOL) Megan you are doing a great job! Everyone including myself are proud of you and many inspired by you. Keep up the great work and don’t let the pit falls get you too down, just remember it isn’t you with the big problem it is the world! This isn’t just about how much weight you loose but more importantly about determination and how you feel about yourself. Also I am always hear if you need a friendly ear 🙂

    Love you lots
    your bestest friend
    Georgina xox

  • http://Stacey

    November 5, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    Megan, you’re doing an amazing job. Don’t ever forget that, and you are making the changes in your life because you’ve made the choice.
    Having said that, I’m saddened to hear that your work did not take of this into account (not just feelings, but accessability and any potential hazards as a result). boo to them, and kudos to you for making them open their eyes that accessbility is for all!
    keep up the good work Megan! 🙂

  • http://Megan

    November 5, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Thanks so much everyone! Everyone’s support and encouragement means the world to me, it is what pushes me forward and motivates me!!!!

  • http://Wanda

    November 5, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    You are so right….if the journey was easy and simple than in a snap we could be whatever size we wanted to be. Your blog gives a perspective though that some people may not even realize…..even something as taken-for-granted as sitting at your desk and doing your job. Of the many things that Miss Kerri-Leigh is teaching us, is that having a sense of humor makes the journey just a tad bit easier!! Sometimes that is hard to do, but you know something…..you deserve those “f##K it” days too!! Just don’t give up….you have come so far…and I love that you keep going and are doing it RIGHT!! A bit at a time is the way you should be reaching your goal….losing too much too quick will only result in a weight gain when you can’t maintain such a high standard. So keep at it…keep the pics coming…..and here’s to only a measly 9.4lb before the big 3 is gone forever 🙂

  • November 7, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Hi, Megan! I understand the embarrassment and out-of-control feeling that happened when you saw your cubicle’s size.

    I have a vision problem that is pretty severe. Most people don’t realize it, because I seem to function okay. But when I am faced with reminders that I cannot see, I sometimes get tearful–and then I’m embarrassed because I’m crying–and no one understands the big deal. They just think I’m overreacting and kind of nuts.

    It’s not just about not being able to see well enough to complete the form–it’s the whole overwhelming reminder that I CAN NOT SEE. The fact that I function so well that people do not notice my disability fades away, getting lost in the huge shadow of my limited eyesight.

    Just like the too small cubicle reminded you that you are not a regular sized person. I get it. The fact that you’ve lost all of that weigh fades into the background–dwarfed by the “I am still big.” You are not overreacting, you are not an emotional basket case–you are living in a tough reality. And you are conquering it!

    I admire you for being able to put those feelings into words on your blog–for standing up against all of those who only want to see happy things, positive things. The truth is: admitting your feelings and your struggles IS a positive thing! Good for you! And congratulations on the huge weight loss so far!! Those missing pounds represent a lot of work, determination and persistance. WooHoo, you!

    Deb

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